Workout Programming 1 / 4 (Featuring Anton LaVey Quotes)

Lo and behold, all this was fraud. Gather around me, oh you death-defiant and the earth itself shall be thine, to have and to hold. Too long the dead hand has been permitted to sterilize living thought.

Source: See comments

 

In other words, I will state my theory on how you should choose the stimulus parameters (such as volume, intensity, frequency, density, order and type of exercises, amount of variety) for your training programs so that you achieve proper results in an efficient, healthy and logical way.

Basic axioms:

I. A regular person has a life and shouldn´t spend more than 2 hours a week working out.

II. Being extremely sore constantly or burnt out is not practical or reasonable.

III. Every single muscle is either being stimulated, recovering, maintaining or withering away.

IV. Just showing up to the gym year after year is not enough to get results.

 

Death to the weakling, wealth to the strong. Open your eyes that you may see, oh men of mildewed minds, and listen to me, ye bewildered millions, for I stand forth to challenge the wisdom of the world.

 

Variety of exercises:

V. If you change exercises too frequently, you won´t get good at any particular movement, thus won´t be able to overload progressively (increase the weight, thus will have a hard time to stimulate growth long-term.

VI. If you don´t change movements at all, you will adapt to those exact movements. This applies to the powerlifters who can bench 700 lbs. and more, but can´t do a single pullup or the people who work desk jobs for decades and have shitty posture as well as a used up spine.

VII. You can´t be great at everything, you have to make an active choice what goals you want to pursue to what degree.

VIII. It has been argued that your body limits your strength in a movement whose opposite movement you´re a lot weaker in, especially for explosive movements, as you can´t decelerate at the end of the movement. Trying to bring up weak spots makes gaining general strength harder in the short-term, but it is unavoidable for long-term progress.

IX. Side-to-side imbalances will also limit performance and health. One-limbed compound and isolation movements can fix imbalances. Balanced and complete development is beneficial for health and maintainable performance.

Point VI. is why I include rarely used movements such as upwards rows, decline bench / dips and trapezius / serratus anterior exercises in my programs. My posture has improved massively.

I further recommend doing a movement pattern that you´ve never done before or a new sport, be prepared to feel great. I suggest watching a few videos about Ido Portal on YouTube. I will leave a comment with a link.

The principle of exercise variety is to squeeze the movements for what they´re worth, until they piss you or your joints off. If you´re the kind who enjoys doing the same movements over and over again, but doesn´t progress, consider whether you would enjoy gains more than being a lazy peace of shit.

 

Blessed are the strong, for they shall possess the earth. Cursed are the weak, for they shall inherit the yoke. Blessed are the powerful, for they shall be reverenced among men. Cursed are the feeble, for they shall be blotted out.

 

Variety of parameters:

X. During every workout, a muscle should be stimulated sufficiently aka. challenged so that it has a reason to grow. Note that doing the same 3 x 8-12 you´ve always done is most likely not a sufficient reason to grow.

XI. If you can do several sets with the same parameters, you didn´t go hard enough on the previous set and wasted your time. Or your rest periods are too long, which, again, is a waste of time. Exceptions might be people who otherwise could hardly handle more than 2-3 sets per week and muscle group.

XII. As soon as a muscle has recovered, you should stimulate it again. This requires two skills: Being honest to yourself, and getting your ass of the couch. Both are pretty rare, but so are people who look like they lift.

XIII. It is known that there are at least 2 pathways to hypertrophy, one through high reps and long time-under-tension, the other through low reps and fast movements. For maximum growth it is imperative that you use different rep ranges and movement tempos.

Timing Reps And Sets:

XIV. Fast repetitions are inevitably the best way to build speed strength / power. Slower repetitions are a way to hit muscles you haven´t hit before and to do low-rep-sets with a high time-under-tension.

XV. For maximal strength or complex / risky movements you can longer rest periods, apart from that you want to rest maximally 90s for compound and 45s for isolation movements. Shorter is usually better for growth, if you disagree, you´re lazy and your conditioning sucks or you haven´t forgiven your ex-boyfriend yet.

To undermine point XII., view this image:

By Shmuel Csaba Otto Traian, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=28913348 I don´t own this image and the owner probably wouldn´t condone me using it in this article.

Point XIV. is exemplified by this observation: I did one-legged calf raises with bodyweight (15 x 4-1-4 s , then I switched legs, then 45 x 1-0-2 s , and the other leg again). Needless to say, my calves got mildly sore. More unusual was the fact that this routine increased activation and width of my glutes (specifically, gluteus maximus and gluteus medius, even tensor fasciae latae). I´ve done countless one-legged calf raises, but this is new and most likely due to the slower speed.

 

The flesh prevaileth and a great church shall be built and consecrated in its name. No longer shall man´s salvation be dependent on his self-denial, and it shall be known that the world of the flesh and the living shall be the greatest preparation for any and all eternal delights.

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